These are all as idiotic as they sound. They do not represent balance. They are not sensible eating plans. They involve extreme dieting that is painful, joyless and often harmful.
My radio colleague, comedian Mikey Robins, remembers embarking on the pure protein kick when he weighed 155kg. He was morbidly obese and was led to believe by yet another so-called weight loss expert that eating only protein was the answer.
We all went on it together - his wife, two other colleagues and me. We shed buckets of weight in a short period - eating only a boiled egg and slivers of turkey each day will do that for you.
Robins remembers with great mirth the constipation that ensued. "Had to scoop the mean little buggers out with a spoon," he says. An ugly thought, but true all the same.
He had gastric banding after the weight piled back on the moment he smelled carbs again. He is now a healthy 100kg, eats well but not excessively and exercises four times a week.
Lemon Detox is another stroke of genius. For $100, you buy the syrupy juice, cayenne pepper and lemons. You are told to have this mixed together as much as six times a day. You are starving, you lose weight rapidly and then you decide to have a steak. Watch out scales!
My favourites are the current crop of Celebrity Slim types of diets. These involve substituting at least one meal a day with a protein shake or a powdered pure protein soup. The Biggest Loser has a similar brand, as do several pharmacy chains.
I MAY not be normal, but I run around all day like the proverbial blue-bottomed fly. To give up a single meal and replace it with a shake makes me feel weak.
My radio colleague, comedian Mikey Robins, remembers embarking on the pure protein kick when he weighed 155kg. He was morbidly obese and was led to believe by yet another so-called weight loss expert that eating only protein was the answer.
We all went on it together - his wife, two other colleagues and me. We shed buckets of weight in a short period - eating only a boiled egg and slivers of turkey each day will do that for you.
Robins remembers with great mirth the constipation that ensued. "Had to scoop the mean little buggers out with a spoon," he says. An ugly thought, but true all the same.
He had gastric banding after the weight piled back on the moment he smelled carbs again. He is now a healthy 100kg, eats well but not excessively and exercises four times a week.
Lemon Detox is another stroke of genius. For $100, you buy the syrupy juice, cayenne pepper and lemons. You are told to have this mixed together as much as six times a day. You are starving, you lose weight rapidly and then you decide to have a steak. Watch out scales!
My favourites are the current crop of Celebrity Slim types of diets. These involve substituting at least one meal a day with a protein shake or a powdered pure protein soup. The Biggest Loser has a similar brand, as do several pharmacy chains.
I MAY not be normal, but I run around all day like the proverbial blue-bottomed fly. To give up a single meal and replace it with a shake makes me feel weak.
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